I am so not ready to own a house. It probably would have been smart for me to recall how easily I get scared before I signed the paperwork. Yeah, I did power through the drive-by. I only ducked while walking by windows for a few days—I just got over it. So, all was well in the Breitzmann household until last night, when I realized I am just not ready to leave my safe apartment life behind.
Picture this. It’s about 11:15, we’re in bed, and all of a sudden, I hear this weird reverberating boing sound. Hmm. Boings are not normal house sounds. So, we just laid there silent and motionless, too chicken to look out the window. It sounded like we had a huge springy door stopper on the side of our house and someone was slamming a huge door into it over and over again. Then the boinging stopped, and some voices and footsteps started up. Pretty soon, my light was on and I was wide awake. Seriously, what the hell? I had three guesses as to what was happening:
1. My nosy neighbor Dee was out in the rain and snow to make sure no one was letting their dog shit on her lawn.
2. Our bus-stop lurker was back to egg our house because I said he was “wigging out.”
3. A giant man really was slamming a giant door into a giant door stopper on the side of our house.
Trying to determine if I should go hide in the closet or not, I started listening more closely to the footsteps—they were quick, shuffling, and clearly belonged to someone old. My thoughts were confirmed as I heard Dee start yelling at her hard-of-hearing husband. I still don’t know what they were doing out after 11:00 in the crappy weather. I hope they were raking my lawn.
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